Finding Joy

I sometimes feel a bit paralyzed trying to conjure up the feeling of joy. I’m not saying that I don’t experience it, but for me, it is one of those emotions that just seems elusive. Happiness, contentedness, joyfulness, they all seem to lump together to create this abstract and vague ball of positivity that seems rather intangible. In sober moments, when I’m trying to think about my experiences of joy or happiness, everything seems to fall short of adequately describing it. It makes me wonder, “How am I going to live a happy and joyful life, if I can’t really access it?”

I’m all about manifesting and realizing what you value by putting it into action. If you want to see more kindness in the world, be kind to yourself and others. But here I am, trying not to drown in a sea of thoughts that completely submerge my capacity to access a concept of joy. Why joy? I think joy is like a fleeting moment that brings something positive to you. If I can find those moments, or create those moments and string them together, I can start building a joyful narrative that could lead to a happier, more fulfilled life experience. Who doesn’t want the feeling of a fulfilled life. I’m not looking to mask over or blot out the negative things that have happened in my life in an attempt to live this fake and forced optimism. I do however think that sometimes the negativity prevents us from seeing or feeling those little sparks of joy and, as a result, tips us out of balance. I think the key is finding those moments of joy to bring balance back into our already overwhelmed lives.

If I close my eyes and focus (focus on the physical feeling of joy), I can imagine what it feels like to be joyful… a spark of something light and bright in my chest; building and swelling into my face; a flush of warmth in my cheeks as a gleam of a smile starts to appear; my eyes squinting and tightening a bit as a sense of pleasure and satisfaction set in… exuberance… brilliance… vibrant… joy. That’s the feeling, the sensation, but what can cause it? How do I find it? How do I find my joy?

Many things can bring us pleasure, and satisfaction, to some degree, they have to do with the meanings and standards that we apply to things. Joy, though, I feel, goes deeper than just pleasure and satisfaction. I think real joy has something to do with realizing or fulfilling one of my values. If I come back to the idea of kindness, I think I would find joy if I had a moment where I felt that my value of kindness was being met and fulfilled. In that moment, where a personal value is being fulfilled, I would have a sense of deep validation, connectedness and harmony with the world. It would be as if the world and I were vibrating at the same frequency. To me, this is my moment of joy. Again, though, how do I find it?

Finding joy should be an active, authored pursuit. Often times, I find myself going through the motions of the daily routine, with things just happening to me and around me. I’m often being swept away by the drama and obstacles that life so willingly offers. These choppy waters of the oncoming flow of life are hard to navigate once you get caught up in them. Sometimes, it feels like life is writing my story instead of me being the one that writes it. Grabbing the wheel and steering yourself back into the calm is one thing, but guiding yourself into the cascade of positivity is a completely different act. With life being so turbulent, I think sometimes I mistake the lack of bad as the presence of good. Marty Seligman (the father of positive psychology) pointed out that the absence of negativity does not mean the presence of positivity, it just means neutral. To go further, it is important to flourish with positivity in order to balance it all out.

With this in mind, perhaps finding joy is more about looking within instead of looking externally. As authors of our own lives, we can make the decision to narrate our stories a little differently, by adding a little more compassion, love and acceptance. If joy really is about having your values fulfilled, then how I define my values and attribute meaning to the things around me determines how I live them. I can find joy by connecting to myself in the moment, anchoring myself in the present and being grateful for the things in my life that are working well, no matter what they are. Gratitude can help in aligning your reality with the things that are important to you; it’s just about being able to look for the good that is there. I’m grateful for my mind and my ability to contemplate things. I feel like this gives me the capacity to understand and connect to the world I live in. I am grateful for my body and the connection I have with it; the sensations, the feedback, the signals… the felt sense. These connections to myself and to others meets my need for a sense of belonging and this fulfills a value for me. By feeling like I belong, I feel like I’ve found my place, my purpose. For me, having this moment where I can connect to my value being met sparks a sense of joy. It is fleeting, it is momentary. But the more often I can connect to these moments, the more likely I will be capable of balancing out the tough times that life likes to throw my way.

Joy, to a certain extent, is about your own ability to bring it about. Sparking joy in your life is not about something that happens to you or something that causes you to be joyful. Sparking joy or finding joy is about actively bringing it out of yourself. Whatever matters to you, whatever you value, find ways to fulfill it in your daily routine. Find joy in being you.